Anonymous asked: I CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND LAST NIGHT. fuuuuck. what do i do?? should i tell him? or just keep it to myself? if i don't tell him, he'll never know. but still..
Don’t tell him if you value your relationship. You can live with the guilt. Just never for the fucking love of god do it again. If you tell him, it won’t undo it and you won’t feel better and you’ll crush him.
Anonymous asked: This blog hasn't been updated in forever :( I check it often hoping for new posts!
I know, sorry. I’ll update tonight. I have an overwhelming number of questions and I’ll try to get to the more pressing ones first. Tonight! Promise!
Anonymous asked: For the last three years I have been friends with one of my ex's old best friends. Recently I realized that I like him as more than a friend.
I've discussed everything from relationship troubles to obscure movies with him and our conversations usually turn deep and introspective. He's one of the most intelligent people I know (book and people smart), as well as the funniest, and he's also an amazing singer (the kind that gives you chills). I look up to him and value his input. He's sweet, ambitious and no-nonsense. He's everything I could possibly want.
My problem is that I don't find him physically attractive. He's on the bigger side and I've never considered dating someone large. Am I being shallow? Should I just go for it? Has this ever happened to you?
Are you being shallow? Absolutely! But physical attraction is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If the thought of making out with him makes you gag, then there’s no hope of a real relationship. It’s never happened to me, so I can’t speak from experience but I wouldn’t let something like him go, he sounds fantastic. But, does he feel the same way about you? Wouldn’t you feel like a retard if you tried to go for it and got shut down? Look, I don’t think you’re as in love with this bro as you think you are. When you’re ready to date him, you’ll know because you won’t come to me for advice. You won’t give a shit about what I have to say because you’ll be in love with him and you’ll know. Don’t rush into it anything, your indecisiveness could really hurt him in the end. Right now I feel like you may be mislabeling your feelings as romantic. It is possible to love someone so much that it makes your heart burst, but not actually be IN love with them. There’s a big difference.
Anonymous asked: Alright, so I went out with this guy for a little less than a year. The entire time, we had a really rocky relationship and it was pretty off and on. The only reason I stuck around is because I was totally head over heels about this guy. I've never actually "liked" someone so intensly like that. And it was pretty clear that he didn't feel the same. He's always had issues with talking about his feelings and stuff, and he did admit to me once that he was happiest with me, and he did love me, etc. But he always had eyes on other girls, and he would say some really cruel things to me sometimes. So of course, the relationship ended. But now, 6 months later, we've started talking a bit again. And actually hooking up. It's kind of a no-strings situation, and I know he has no feelings for me whatsoever, but I'm still so drawn to him. I don't know what it is. I feel so retarded for still being here, but I like the sex and I like seeing him again. I know what I SHOULD do, but I still have feelings for him and I don't want to cut ties.
I don’t really know what you expect me to say. You WILL get hurt again. You know what you need to do. If you’re fine with selling yourself short and getting used by someone who is taking advantage of your feelings, then that’s your prerogative. Do whatever you want, because you already said that you don’t want to cut ties. So again, not sure what you’re looking for here but I will say that I understand completely, we all have that Brody Jenner. Lord knows I do. As long as you realize that nothing has changed and you’ll come out of this feeling just as shitty as last time, then you’re a big girl and if you want to have sex with someone who has no feelings for you then go for it. But don’t trick yourself into thinking that he’s going to magically change.
Anonymous asked: dearest sade,
so i've been going out with this dude for about five years
and we're already talking marriage
and i love the guy no doubt and most likely will forever
i'm not in love with him, i know that.
i've been in love with my best friend since the day we met
but she's...well a chick and i could never....i wouldn't want to ruin the way things are
and if something did happen between us i'd be scared shitless to get into something that real.
so even though i'll never let anything happen
should i tell my boyfriend and best friend?
or keep that shit unknown?
Sade: So. You’re not in love with the guy you’re thinking about marrying, but rather your best friend. Who you’ve been in love with since the day you met. Then you say “you could never”? Dude. I mean. Is your BFF even a lesbian? This whole situation is sticky as hell. Either way you can’t marry your boyfriend. You’re not in love with him. Even people who are in love with each other when they get married end up separating. So what are your chances if you don’t even love him now? Girl, you’re givin’ me the sads! :( I know you don’t want to ruin the way things are and I’m not going to tell you to break up with your boyfriend, but it’s not fair to him. None of this is fair to him. I don’t know these two people, if I knew your situation in real life I could probably offer more useful advice. But I mean all I can offer you is: don’t marry this guy, and don’t lead him on. You’re clearly doing nobody any favours by faking your life. Loving someone is a lot different than being in love with someone. Look, I love all my ex boyfriends because we shared experiences I can’t even explain to people. But I’m not in love with them, I’ve moved on to other people! Do you really want to die (dramatic, I know) knowing that you didn’t do what you really truly desired in your life? Regrets hurt more and last longer than the pain that comes with rejection.
What I’m driving at here is:
Not Sade: Firstly, I agree with whatever Sade has said.
Secondly, I just wanted to ask you, are you 100% sure that you’re really really gay? I mean, I’m sure that you’re curious etc, but if you act out on your desires, and your best friend does not reciprocate, it’s you who will end up losing most of all. Your “boyfriend” AND your best friend.
That being said, if you ARE sure that she feels the same about you, go for it! Be happy!
Anonymous asked: I'm seeing a guy in a band, who has coincidentally broken my heart before claiming he wasn't over his ex of 5 years. He told me from the beginning of the relationship that he couldn't commit to me, but fed me lines like" you inspire me", "I wrote a song about you tonight" and invited me over to drink wine, have deep conversation, and hookup intensely. It made me feel like i was something special, and I don't think I ever really got over him. Now he wants to try things again and claims things will be different this time, and that she's out of the picture. Can I trust him?
Sade: Can you trust him? Frankly, I don’t know. Never met the dude. But if you spend your time being weary of people, you’ll never experience anything in life. You could get mad hurt again. Or he could be one of your great loves. You say you’re not over him? Then just go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that it’ll be the same as last time, but in that case you’ll recover twice as fast because you’ve been through it once before. Look. If you’re going to do this you need lay it out there: I’m not a hookup that you can just call when you miss your ex. I mean, I wish there was a magic 8 ball that I could just shake and be like “is this guy a lying asshole or is he for real?” and it would tell me the truth. But alas.
Anonymous asked: I'm dating an older guy (I am 24 he's 38, and we are homo) we are in love, and everything is pretty much perfect, for now. I know he does not want kids ever and openly hates children. While I think its hilarious that he hates kids, I do know that I want kids in ten or fifteen years. I feel kinda shitty though knowing that in the future we may have to break up over this issue. Am I wasting his time? He says he doesnt care what happens in the future and is really happy now. what do I do?
Sade: He doesn’t care about what happens in the future and it’s all you can think about? Hmmm. I mean, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to break up with him because that’s not my style. And I firmly believe that if you’re happy now and you love him now, then there’s no need to end it. You say you want kids in 10 or 15 years? Then don’t worry about it for another 10 or 15 years. Look, I love you, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but 10-15 years is a long time from now. Do you realize how different your life could be? Chances are, you might not even be a couple (I’m sorry!) by then. You’re not wasting his time, he knows how you feel (you’ve spoken with him about this, yes? you better not come to be before you’ve spoken to him), and if he’s happy right now there’s no reason why you can’t be. Just enjoy your relationship. Things change, people change, but for now you’re HAPPY. I mean shit, all we have is now, everything else is undetermined.
Anonymous asked: <p>If you liked someone who had recently broken up with a close friend of yours, how long would you wait to pursue it (if at all)?
This is taking into account that the friend still kinda has feelings for him.</p>
Not Sade: I think you answered that for yourself. Despite whatever the friend may say, it is never ok to hit on a friends ex. Seriously, you’ll end up damaging the friendship. The same rule also applies to brothers / sisters of an ex.
Sade: For reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal. Never ok. That would be such a betrayal. There are plenty of other guys out there, it’s not like you’re madly in love with this dude. Forget about him if you care about your friend at all. Don’t even consider the idea.
Anonymous asked: Ugh. "Not Sade" is insufferable. People wanted advice from SADE, not some random bitch male who now thinks it's his job to be cruel and give unbalanced opinions. Get outta here with that.
Sade, you're amazing and your advice is perfect, fair, and on spot. Keep up the good work. But get rid of that dude.
Special message from Not Sade:
Anonymous asked: Okay Sade. So I come here embarrassed and ashamed and looking for sanity...I've been chatting with this kid from Last.FM and he like, offered to mail me some cd's and shit. So I added him on facebook out of sheer curiosity because our music taste was so alike and he seemed like a cool person. Turns out he's adorable as FUCK and now I have a major cyber crush on him.......tits. Slap some sense into me, please, because it's not like I can ever meet him. I'm from california...he's from texas......................bleh
Sade: HAY GURL a lil cyber crush never hurt anyone. Go on with it. I got me some cyber crushes of my own. They’re fun! Make sure you get some nudes out of it!
Sade & her male friend (he chooses to remain anonymous, royal cunt that he is) answer your questions and give you advice that they are incapable of following themselves.
